Isn't it great when you are walking around the mall minding your own business, thinking about how to finger that scale on the guitar when suddenly you are jumped by what is probably the most dangerous thing in the civilized world, a sales person, and to make it worse a beautiful sales woman!
Of course it usually starts off easily enough with a simple question just to get your attention. Although I think asking "Are you married?" should be considered a low blow. I mean come on, is it my fault that I'm the only loser in my family that isn't married. You might as well jump out and stab me with a knife. Then you try to blow them off with a simple one word answer and walk away. But the good ones will step out in front of you so you can't walk away and ask you another question. By the way, asking "Do you have a girlfriend?" right after the first one is probably also a low blow. Just twist the knife why don't ya! But she still wouldn't let up and asks me to follow her anyway and how can a lonely guy say no to beautiful blue green eyes looking right into him?
So I follow her around her little cart, you know what I mean the ones that they set up right in the middle of your walking path so you have no way to get around them, and tells me to put my hands out. I still can't say no to those beautiful eyes and that flowing black hair. Then she starts putting this... stuff on my hands, who knows what that could be, I mean these are my hands people, I've gotta share a room with them. Then she tells me to start rubbing them together and I come to find that this stuff is like rubbing sticky sand on you, really scratchy and kinda slimy. So she goes off on her speal about sugar and gold and opening pores and what not and I still can't see past these eyes, there are mezmorising me.
Well then she rinses that off of me and gives me this lotion that is supposed to help close my pores back up or something and trap the gold in there.... I don't know. I was busy thinking about the fact that by this time she was practically holding my hands... it was a little weird. Then before I know it she's showing me an after shave too.... I haven't even shaved this week. How can it look like I want after shave? She tells me about how it smells nice and all the girls love it and she starts standing closer and closer to me while she's talking.
She then takes me over the the register and asks me if I would like both the after shave lotion and the skin exfoliating stuff or just one of the two. I tried to say that I really don't want any of it and that I don't have the money anyway but this beautiful short sales woman would not give up and I could only say no to those eyes for so long.
So, does anyone need some non abrasive sugar body exfoliation combining 24K gold with a unique vitamins formulation?
2 comments:
This is hilarious. And I totally do.
Oh, man. I hate it when that happens too. I've learned not to make eye contact. One day here it looked like someone was just handing out these little plants, I decided to just grab one so that I wouldn't be approached. Wrong thing to do! Turns some Scottish plant for good luck. She wanted a "donation" and wouldn't let it drop! I felt so bad saying no, saying I didn't have any European money, but now I'm scared of that part of the street...
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